


Yeeting each other into volcanoes

by FlabbergastedBanana



Series: What the fuck am I doing [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Peter Pan (1953), The False Prince - Jenifer A. Neilson, Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Ancienter is a word now, And betterr, Angst, Animagus Harry Potter, Bluntness, But Harry is more ancienter, Flirting, Go read something else, Harry Potter is Peter Pan, Harry and Tom have been reincarnated so many times, Harry is a badass, Harry is like an Elderitch entity or something, Harry/Tom - Freeform, I don't even know what a beta is, I feel like Lemony Snicket, I have a lot of tags, I mean really, I think a beta is a fish, I'm totally gonna make fun of twilight, It would make them more dramatic., It's not underage if they're both over 100000, M/M, Mass Murder, Master of Death, Master of Death Harry Potter, Murder, No beta we fall like Crowley, Not really Master of Death because he is Death, Orange is the only color you can taste, Oranges are actually green in Africa, Reincarnation, Sarcasm, That's totally a word., There might be sex, This is trash, Tom Riddle is Tinker Bell, Tom is ancient, Tom loves Harry, Top Harry Potter, Unless you're a twilight fan, You really think I'm not gonna make fun of twilight?, You should read my stories in a Lemony Snicket voice, i have no Beta, idk - Freeform, that was a reference
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 1950-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:07:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23368204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlabbergastedBanana/pseuds/FlabbergastedBanana
Summary: Peter floated away from the window of the three children, being careful to avoid his shadow. Tink, being the annoying little devil that she is, starts to make noise, therefore attracting that attention of his shadow.“FUCKING HELL TINK!”Tink, also known as the most annoying fairy in the world, just stuck her tongue out at him. As his shadow got closer, Peter let go of all the glamour's, the ones that hid his true, monstrous appearance. For his shadow wasn't actually his shadow, it was part of a race called the galajed. The galajed were a cruel race that preyed on magical children, much like obscurials, but instead of using the children's magic, they tried to take their souls.The galajed, the one that was about to take Peter’s soul, let out a very high pitched scream and scampered away.“Really Tom? Everytime I swear.” Tink, formerly known as Tom Marvelo Riddle, Big bad voldie, MoldyShorts, the big bad wolf, H. H. Holmes, Roden, Alice, and Swiper, just shrugged uncaringly.Peter, because now he was Peter, not Harry, not Jaevid, not Sage, not Adrian, not Jasper, not Regulus, and not Grindelwald, scoffed.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Series: What the fuck am I doing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700611
Comments: 7
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

Peter floated away from the window of the three children, being careful to avoid his shadow. Tink, being the annoying little devil that she is, starts to make noise, therefore attracting that attention of his shadow.

“FUCKING HELL TINK!”

Tink, also known as the most annoying fairy in the world, just stuck her tongue out at him. As his shadow got closer, Peter let go of all the glamour's, the ones that hid his true, monstrous appearance. For his shadow wasn't actually his shadow, it was part of a race called the galajed. The galajed were a cruel race that preyed on magical children, much like obscurials, but instead of using the children's magic, they tried to take their souls. 

The galajed, the one that was about to take Peter’s soul, let out a very high pitched scream and scampered away. 

“Really Tom? Everytime I swear.” Tink, formerly known as Tom Marvelo Riddle, Big bad voldie, MoldyShorts, the big bad wolf, H. H. Holmes, Roden, Alice, and Swiper, just shrugged uncaringly. 

Peter, because now he was Peter, not Harry, not Jaevid, not Sage, not Adrian, not Jasper, not Regulus, and not Grindelwald, scoffed. Internally, though, he was exhilarated. It had been so long since he had let his wings out and up in the air.

“Well, what are you waiting for darling? Let's go.” And Peter (though he looked more Harry than anything) flew off.

Tink followed, happy to go back to their home. Neverland.


	2. Dos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Origin stories! Kinda've

Tyler saw them first, Tyler, the little orphan that Tink found hiding in the back alleys of New York. When Tom spotted him, Tyler was petting a cat, whispering to it to hold on. Just _hold on_. From behind the dumpster on 9th street, to the luscious, green forests of Neverland. Tyler _refused_ to come to Neverland without the scrawny cat. It was an ugly, hideous, thing. It was an understandably big jump, but Tom did not see the reason he needed that _atrocious_ thing.

“Guys! They're home! Peter and **Tink** are home!” Tyler yelled at the top of his lungs. (Now, Tom didn't like being a small little girl fairy, so he refused to be called Tink, but everyone, especially the kids, teased him with it.)

"PETER! TINK!” All of seven boys came running from various spots on the beach. Tyler, like always was sitting under a tree, petting his cat ( _that horrid, dastardly thing should not be called a cat. **Shut Up tom**._)

Running from the Jetti, were Jared and Chris. Both boys were a part of the terrorist bombing 9/11. Jared and Chris were twins, and their father, Jim couldn't call a babysitter on the fateful day, and decided to bring them to work.

Now, Jim worked on the 17th floor of the right tower, so the boys had little time to get out. Harry was walking by, trying to get to as many civilians as he could, when he saw them.

Both boys were covered in Ash from head to toe. Their usually light brown hair was drenched gray, and their usually happy smiles were gone. Now though, both boys had ear splitting grins on their faces, and brown eyes alright with mischief as they raced towards their caretakers.

Michael, Noah, David, and Isaiah were a rare case of quadruplets. They all were from a very Christian family, and each read the Bible daily.

The four led very happy lives, up until their parents' discovery of their secret. Michael started in the 3rd grade, soon Noah joined, and then followed David and Isaiah.

They were practicing magic. Even though they didn't know it at the time, this would be life changing. The four were preparing a special show for Mommy and Daddy, ‘cause that's what little kids did. However when Mom saw the flame that came out of Michael's hand she screamed. She screamed like it was the end of the fucking world, and Michael panicked.

The fire spewed out of his hand and spread all throughout the house. The four barely made it out alive. The police wouldn't believe their story, no matter how many times they insisted it was an accident. He put the four 3rd graders in an orphanage, and told them he would be back for their court date. Months past. It never came. So they ran away, only to run smack dab right into Harry.

They were here now, it was okay now. Except for the occasional nightmare, they were _fine_. ( _ **No one is fine,** We're all broken **. Can someone** fix **us-**_ )

All seven of the kids were now in a circle waiting for Harry and Tom, and as Harry landed, now without wings, he got tackled.

“Tink. Help. Me. Please.” Tom gave no indication that she heard him. They just hovered, pretending to look at her nails. Harry knew that he wasn't going to get anywhere calling Tom that name, he still likes to try though.

After a few more seconds of squishyness, Harry caved, “Christ, you weigh a lot. Tom? Love? Help? Please?”

Tom slowly looked up at him, smirked, and shook his head slowly. Harry knew this was coming, he just didn't want to do it. It took _so much energy_ out of him. Tom gave no indication of moving, and Harry sighed, snapped his fingers, and there was light.

Light was _everywhere_ and _everything_. It covered the surface of every tree, and every rock. Every mushroom, every River, every living organism. Every person, every house. There was _**light**_. The ocean sparkled, and the stars seemed to shine a bit brighter, and the moon itself glowed, just a bit.

The next day scientists would be baffled and confused about this new phenomenon. Was it the end of the world. No. It was just Harry.

Tom was standing in the place Tinkerbell had been, and he had that _stupid smug smirk_ on his face. Tom had chosen his eighteen year old form, as his revert back-to-body.

Everytime they wanted to go back to their original forms, Harry had to enact it. His chiseled face and high cheekbones only made the smirk more annoying to Harry. It was the smirk. The one where he gets whatever he wants. Not today. Cause Harry was not going to give him the fucking pleasure of being the only one in their original body.

The boys were suddenly pushed off not by Peter, by but a much taller man. In place of Peter, was Harry Potter, in his 22 year old form.

His gangly body was nowhere to be seen. In his first life, after he had killed Voldemort, he discovered an inheritance. An ancient vampire blood inheritance, that was gained from his Dad. The Potters are not only descended from the Peverells, but also the Valveryians.

The Valveryians are an ancient Vampire family that, when transferring to adulthood, fixed all your physical problems. Basically. On one condition. You had to be pure of heart, body, and mind.

Now Harry was nowhere near pure, he spent his ‘ _eighth year_ ’ shagging half the male population. Ginny had found a friend in Pansy Parkinson. Only after Harry was done scaring the bejesus out of her though.

However, Luna being the awesome person she is, provided a cleansing ritual. He completed the ritual, which called for some odd shit, like goat's blood. And avocados. Weird cleansing ritual. It worked though.

When Harry got his Inheritance, he was elated. People wouldn't be able to recognize him! It was great. He had broader shoulders, _actual muscles,_ abs (pretty sure those are muscles), a square jawline, chiseled face, and bright green eyes. The one thing all of his friends commented on, was that they _glowed._

From then on, only Luna, Neville, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and surprisingly Draco were the only ones who knew of his changed appearance.

He slowly disappeared from the wizarding world. He attended a college across the pond, and graduated with a degree in Human Physiology. He lived to the ripe old age of 276, and then died in his sleep. Nothing fancy. No dragon. No giant troll.

Just a peaceful end. Until he woke up again.

Then he met the former Death, his name apparently used to be Todd. Todd had only been Death for a few Centuries, so he shrugged and said, “I dunno mate. I guess you just kill people or whatever? Here's the scythe.” And Todd was gone.

So Harry traveled the world, learned languages, got more degrees. (No he didn't. Who would go back to school willingly?!) He just traveled the world and slept on beaches, burning through the money he made in his first life. Which amounted to about 7 billion dollars. He did that for a couple hundred years. Then got bored. So he went to school. (He went back willingly! ⚆ _ ⚆) He got as many degrees as he could. 

He floated around Uranus for sometime. Hehe. Uranus.

He experimented with certain powers. He made a universe. He made one universe where the population was all plastic utensils, and the houses were made of paper plates.

Then he found Tom.

Tom was in limbo.

Then Harry made Tom do the Limbo to get out of Limbo.

Then he took Tom and reincarnated them.

Together. 

Over.

And over.

And it was hilarious.

And they were Sage and Roden. Jasper and Alice. Grindelwald and mysterious lover named Tom. Romeo and Juliet. (guess who was Juleit). Hades and Persephone. Thanatos and random mortal. Apollo and Hyacinth. And now they were Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. 

And boy, did they love to fuck with people. (Their minds, that is.)


	3. Umm, are people still reading this?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ummm. I have no beta, and uhhh, I'm not really sure what to say here. ALSO YOU'RE WELCOME FOR A CHAPTER. I actually don't know who I'm saying that too if no one reads this.

The lapping of the calm ocean waves was all Harry could hear. That, and Tom’s snoring. It was near midnight, and they were both lying on the blanket Harry had set out earlier. Tom’s arm was lazily flung over Harry’s chest and he had the most serene expression on his face.

Harry shifted a bit, so now he was facing Tom. He carefully raised his hand, and used his fingertips to trace the outlines of Tom’s face. Soon his fingers were gently carding through his hair. 

“Oh love. The things you do to me.”

Tom shuffled a bit, but gave no signs that he was awake. 

Harry took this time to monologue, that’s what all the heroes in the story did at dramatic moments. This seemed dramatic enough. **(Of course he was nowhere near the hero. But, hey, who wouldn't want to talk al- Oh God, he was turning into Tom)**

“I really used to hate you. Like really really really hate you. Like on a scale of one to stealing my Reese’s, you fucking stole my whole stash, and killed my parents. I mean you did kill my parents.” Harry’s hand was still fingering (not that you dirty people) through Harry’s hair. 

His face scrunched up a bit. “I mean you did kill my parents, but it wasn't you, not really. How could it be? You were barely surviving. Eight was always the limit. _You were so close. I was so close to losing you_ . I always put the blame on you for my upbringing. I mean, how could you NOT!? You were like _th_ e evil dude. Dark incarnate. Tom Riddle, angsty teenager extraordinaire!”

Tom shuffled a bit more, it was very eggciting (SEA what I did there? I’ll stop now). Harry carried on with his monologue. “It was always him though, wasn’t it! The barmy bastard had set everything up! Every single point in my life was set up. How he carefully unfolded his _master_ plan. Which, ultimately sucked, in the end. I'm so glad I caught his soul. It's funny seeing him go through his worst nightmares over and over again. But you gotta admit, the fucker had dedication. He was there at every turn!” His voice got quieter, his words no longer containing anger, but a sadness. A great sadness, much like the feeling you get when you almost drop a croissant. 

“And you fell, fell into every trap. Because he could not see past the little boy that acted so much like his former lover. So, he cautioned, and manipulated, and he got his way.”

Harry shifted again, so he was laying flat on his back, his hand now resting on Tom’s head. 

“But do not worry my love, because I’ve got you, and I’m never letting you go.” _I love you._

And when Tom was sure Harry was asleep, he whispered, “I love you too.”

/::/::/::/::/

“MORNING HAS BROKEN!” Harry’s beautiful, ear splitting, peace shattering voice, rang true, scaring away a flock of birds. 

“Good,” Harry said, “don’t want no Goddamn birds.”

All the Boys groaned, because it was like this everyday, Harry would scream something like, “HERE COMES THE SUN DO-DO-DO-DO!” And the birds would fly away, only to come back, and then, the next day, “WAKE UP IN THE MORNING FEELIN’ LIKE P DIDDY!” It was an endless cycle. More fun on Harry’s part though. Cause he was kinda (totally batshit) insane. 

The boys didn't care though. They had been here for a few months, some of the boys bordering on years with the couple, they liked Harry and Tom well enough. 

Tyler was up first, and he was coming to the campfire, where Harry was making breakfast. Of course, Harry could just snap food into existence, but his homemade food always seemed to taste better. Richer, more filling, killing your taste buds, just for them to be resurrected by the sheer amount of taste that you had consumed. 

As Harry finished flipping the eggs, he poofed up a stack of paper plates, took one, put the eggs on it, and gave it to Tyler. Jared and Chris were next in line. Jared still seemed to be half asleep, his brown hair was covered with sand, and resting on Chris’s shoulder. Chris kept moving his shoulders up and down in an attempt to wake Jared up. It was a failure. 

Out of the remaining four, only Noah and Isaiah were up, and they didn't look very hungry. Considering they were almost falling asleep again.

Tom was just waking up, on the blanket he and Harry had shared last night. He wondered if last night was a dream. Had Harry really meant those things? He knew Harry had loved him, they had been soulmates since the beginning of the universe, which Harry made when he was bored. 

_“Hey! You!” Tom got no answer. He was standing on_ **_nothing,_ ** _floating through space. This was_ **_new, this was something he was not used to._ ** _He was floating through Purgatory, when suddenly it felt like a string was tied to his chest and_ **_pulled._ **

_Now Tom didn't know this person, they looked vaguely familiar, but Tom would've remembered someone like this. Tall, strong build with muscular arms, wild jet black hair that looked good messy, in a ‘I just had sex’ way (because that's what Tom had to think about at this time. Priorities)._

_When the man turned, he studied his face, the perfect jawline, accompanied by bright_ **_green eyes (green eyes he knows those green eyes the green eyes that he last saw-his last breath-he was dyingdyingdying)_ **

_“Hello Tom, I want to grant you a wish.”_

_They were still floating through space._

_What wish could he possibly want, there was no being powerful enough, except for those on the-._

_It hit him, then, what the man was wearing. A dark purple suit, with galaxies, planets, and stars all over it. If you looked close enough, you would be able to see the specks of stardust floating around the man’s hair._

_“I'm sorry, my Lord, for not recognizing you earlier, I hope you can forgive my impertinence-”_

_The being waved him off, his eyes sparkling. Not like Dumbledore’s._ **_Never_ ** _like Dumbledore's._

_“None of that lord business,” He paused, a breathtaking smile that could power a star (which really, it could, he was the_ **_Creator_ ** _) overtaking his face. Tom was unabashedly staring at the man. “If you must know though, I prefer master.”_

_Was the Lord of the Universe_ **_teasing him?_ **

_“Yes, yes I was, but I was serious about that wish bit.”_

_“I’m dead.” Tom deadpanned. “What could I possibly get? Everyone knows that even as powerful as you are, no one can stop death, for it is just a natural way of life.”_

_“Well then,” the being paused, smirked, and said, “Well, I guess everyone doesn't know everything about me.”_

_Tom sputtered. “W-w-what? Y-you can't stop_ **_Death!”_ ** _Tom hurried to correct his mistake, “Respectfully, my lord.”_

_“My dear Tom, let me let you in on a secret,” The being paused, floated over, because they were still floating through_ **_space,_ ** _the Creator cupped his hands together, and whispered into Tom’s ear, “I can stop myself anytime I please.” A long pause followed._

_And so, like two fingers about to touch, two magnets coming together, Tom figured it out._

_“My lord,” Tom licked his lips nervously, now bordering on panic, “You mean to tell me, that you are not only the Creator, but also...Death?”_

_The grin that adorned the entity's face was more than a little insane. “Yes, Tom, that's exactly what I'm saying. Now, about this wish thing..”_

“Do you want your eggs scrambled?” A voice asked.

“Yes, now go away.” He mumbled. 

“You wish.”

“Yes, I do wish.” Tom was just starting to fall back asleep.

“You’ve already used all your wishes, dear.” Harry commented. Tom was going to _die._ He always forgot how handsome this man was. It should be illegal. Maybe-

“What if I wanna fuck?” Well, it seems that Tom’s mouth was thinking ahead. 

“You know, you only need ask. § _And I am always eager to give my beloved what he wishes for.§”_ Oh God. That was kinda hot. Parseltongue was always a bit of a turn on. Especially the way he said it.

“Then suck it Harry.”

“I think not. **You are mine”**

“I don't know what the fuck you just said-” 

Tom yelped as he was bitten on the neck.

**“Hold still for me, love.”** Harry murmured lovingly.

“Still don't know what the fuck you said-”

_§Yess_!§ Tom cried, § _right there. Need you. Need you so much!_ §

  
  


“No. I just think, I’ll go away, like you asked me too.” Harry's smirk was evil. He rose to his knees, and started to rebuttiong his shirt, when did he take off **his shirt-**

Tom pouted. “Please! I didn't mean it! You can't just leave me like this!” Harry was already walking away though. 

“Payback!”

“For what?” Tom said indignantly. 

“Remember when I was your father? You still wouldn't stop asking me! People frown upon that Tom!”

“Hey! You know you really didn't seem to care when I was screaming your name, and you were pounding into to me, your beautiful body towering over-”

“TOM. Wait for the kids to be somewhere else. You will answer for this later.”

“Of course, _master._ ”

Harry's answering smirk sent shivers down his spine.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work. Don't kill me. I want to eat my fudge. I shalll try for weekly updates. This is the 'teaser'


End file.
